The Good, the Bad, and the Okay

The Good, the Bad, and the Okay

My new trainer told me when we first got started to realize that some weeks would be great and I would see several pounds gone, some weeks would be bad and actually see the numbers go back in the wrong direction and some weeks would just be okay with no change.  Logically I understand this piece of advice, however I was expecting those bad and okay weeks to be further down the road.  Well not my luck.  This past week was a rough week in my opinion.  Now I will step on the scale tomorrow to find out whether it was truly good, bad, or okay.  But if felt like a bad week.

On Monday, of this past week I almost quit.  I ate a salad and busted all of my Weight Watchers points.  Now not only did the salad, my favorite salad by the way, take all of my daily points I had remaining on Monday, but it took all my extra weekly points.  I was so upset I think I cried even.  I could understand if I busted the week by being weak and buying those donuts, or cinnamon rolls, or junk food, but no a SALAD. I couldn't believe how a salad could ruin a whole week.

Who knew salads were EVIL!

Now I have only been doing Weight Watchers for about three weeks now.  But I have realized real quick that if I eat right during the week and save my weekly points then I can be a little indulgent over the weekend.  So I have been saving that extra Dr. Pepper, candy, ice cream, or donuts for the weekend.  I was so devastated this week to realize that I would have no points for the weekend.

My trainer really opened my eyes after telling her about the whole salad deal that my own attitude would be what would defeat me.  That really kind of scared me.  Wanting to give up completely after one slip up is my own worst enemy.  Probably has something to do with my OCD and perfectionist-attitude.  I realized this week, that three years is a long time and there are going to really bad weeks and good time.  I am going to have to learn to take those bad weeks in stride.

Of course after spending all weeks agonizing over the whole salad debacle I was able to put many things in perspective.

1.  The "I quit" because things go wrong one day has got to go.
2.  Understanding nutrition better.  A salad is not going to put on ten more pounds
3.  Weight Watchers is not exact, just because I go over in points doesn't mean weight will not be lost that week or weight will be gained.
4.  Three years is a long time.

As a side note: I have discovered something about me and blogging today.  If I am writing based on feelings then I need to do the writing when the feelings are present.  This blog would have been so much better last week while I was experiencing and working through these feelings.  Today is Monday, a whole new week and last week is done and gone.  My mindset and emotions are different today so I would write a total different blog based on my current emotions.  It seems like each Monday is becoming sort of a reset.

If only life really came with a reset button!

Stumbling blocks....

I thought getting out of Super One this weekend not once, not twice, but three whole times without buying krispy creme donuts or their fresh made cinnamon rolls was huge.  In some cases it might have been easier then the current roadblock.  Heck the first two times through Super One I managed not to even look at the bakery items as I walked through.  The third time was a little bit harder.  But it was actually a panic button tip on the weight watchers website that helped me through the issue.  The tip was about how to convince yourself not to buy or eat something that isn't good for you and how to decide if it was worth it or not.  It was that piece of thinking that got me through it.

I had just come from the movie theatre were I fell going up the stairs in the movie room.  Thank God we were late and the movie had already started.  Unfortunately I also fell in front of my brother's girlfriend, who I was meeting for the first time.  (Great way to make an impression!)  And the bruises on my toe confirm that I either broke it or sprang it real good.  I am babbling, let's get to the point here.  Before the movie I went to the Oriental Wok with a friend.  I had been saving up points all week just for that lunch.  I didn't use near the points I expected while I was there.  So after falling at the movie theatre and being good this week with my points I decided to stop at Super One and treat myself to a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

Another thing I had to have while at Super One was this container of Planter's Omega 3 nuts.  It is a combination walnuts, cranberries, & dark chocolate covered soynuts.  It is awesome, and good for you.  Thank God because I can eat the whole container in one sitting if not careful.  So I got my ice cream, headed to get the nuts, which dammit was directly beside the bakery isle.  I looked at those donuts and cinnamon rolls for five minutes.  I even went to grab the donuts when I realized I had the ice cream and that is when I remembered the tip.  Was the donuts worth the ice cream?  Was the ice cream worth the donuts?  I couldn't have both.  In the end the ice cream won.  Of course I had to scan both to determine the point value for each.  Ice cream had less points, more milk, and I decided I wanted it more than the other.

So now my current stumbling block.  In my sewing studio I keep a container full of food to eat while I am in there.  I almost always forget to go for lunch while in there, so when I get hungry I snack on whatever is in the box.  Guess what the box contains candy and junk food.  I have bought new stuff to put in the box, but I just can't seem to do it.  Healthier food never tastes as good as chocolate.  I can't make myself throw all the junk food away and I certainly don't want to bring it in the house.  I will just eat it here.  It has got to go.  Too bad Jeremy is still out of town, he would hide it from me.

I think I figured out how to solve this stumbling block, it is all of you cheering me on and this embarrassing blog that is clearing the way.

Here is my current junk food box.  

 Here are the new items to go in the box (or refrigerator).

Here is the new improved studio lunch box.

And the old junk items have been double bagged and I intend to throw them on top of this pot in the top of my pantry, but the lid must be missing up there because the bag disappeared into the pot once thrown. 

 Out of sight out of mind.

Thanks everyone for your help!  You might not have even known you helped but you did.  Because I knew a few people would be reading this and Facebook, I knew I had to be strong enough to overcome this block in my way.

Sincerely,

Becky

Hello Everyone!

This will probably be the most embarrassing thing I have ever done.  A few people keep telling me how brave I am to put this out there.  I don't know if it is bravery, desperation, a plea for help, or my own way of dealing with the feelings.  Of course I think the last one is closer to the truth.  But it is also about accountability.  So let me tell you a little history first.

I am 36 years old.  I am married to an attorney, who is also a basketball referee.  My husband is pretty skinny and active, heck in the beginning I referred to him as a bean pole.  He has gained some weight since being married, so I guess now he is more of a totem pole.  We have been married six years in June and will have been together seven years in June.  We have an extremely active two and half year old little boy who would rather live outside riding tractors with his paw paw then be inside for any reason.

Growing up in high school I was pretty active, I played softball.  I also played family volleyball and things like that.  I did consider myself heavy in high school.  Especially since in my mind I wasn't skinny enough for any of the guy's in high school to want to go out with me, wasn't skinny enough or pretty enough to hang out with the skinny girls and their group, and wasn't skinny enough to be anything but the nerd.  (Hey, I was a complete nerd with my nose in a book.)  Looking back on those high school pictures I have to wonder if I was really heavy or not. Sure I wasn't a size 6, but I wasn't a blimp either.  My average weight in high school fluctuate between 135 - 150 lbs.

Almost twenty years later, it is safe to say I am fat.  I feel fat.  I get winded walking up the stairs to the second floor of my home.  I am having problems bending over, tieing my shoes, getting up and down from the floor.  Let me stop embarrassing myself, take my word for it I am fat.  I have been having help problems off and on for the last several years.  Of course none of the doctors have been brave enough to just come out a say your too fat.  Loose some weight and the problems with disappear.  

Within the last month or so the scale finally tipped over to 300 lbs.  I have hit the wall.  I can't keep doing this.  I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate that I can't do anything, I hate being winded.  I hate it all.  I want to run, play volleyball and softball with adults and not look like a watermelon rolling around the place.  I want to go hiking and bike riding with my husband and son.  I want to go to the beach so bad, even more I want to go on my first cruise.  But until I loose some weight I am too embarrassed for a beach much less a cruise.  

So I have set some goals and I need all the help I can get in keeping them. I know this is going to take time and will not be accomplished overnight.  But by 40 years old I want to:

1. Off all medicines
2. Better health
3. Weigh what I did in high school (between 130 - 150),
4. Run and complete my first marathon.

To start towards these goals I am in my second week of weight watchers, I joined the LC gym, I meet with a trainer three times a week, I plan to attend gym 5 days a week, and I have cleaned out the pantry and frig of junk and really bad food. And now I have started this blog.  It is meant to track my progress and emotions, get positive feedback, tips on eating better, and cooking better, recipes, and hopefully encouragement for others.  

I am not planning to post my daily weight watcher points, or food I ate this week, and things like that.  Just feelings I have, problems I discover, temptations in my path, triumphs, and setbacks.  And hopefully in three years I can close this blog with a better picture and a healthier life. 

Here is my before picture that I took today.  I am not proud of the pictures.  I hate them, but they are truthful and I have made a promise to myself to remain truthful to you and myself through the journey.

Let the journey begin.......

Becky