Even my toes are HAPPY!!!

Hello everyone!

I have decided today to write a happy post.  There are days that are happy, it is unfortunately the bad says that stick with us the most and are the ones that prompt me to write.  But even though there could be a few low points, I am doing pretty good.

The weekend was nice.  Chandler went to spend the weekend with my parents.  He hadn't been to visit in awhile and I needed a break, he needed a break, and I think Paw Paw was going through some serious Chandler withdrawals.  So Chandler was gone and Jeremy worked Friday and had a game Friday night and he had a game on Saturday that was far enough away he gone for most of the day.  I enjoyed those two days.  I sewed in my studio, I watched several movies, listened to some books, and even took a couple of naps.  The best part was that I worked in my studio till quite late at night and didn't have to worry about stopping unless I wanted to.  It was so nice and peaceful.  I even went to get a pedicure.  Hence the happy toes. If polka dots on your toes can't make you happy then I am in really bad shape. :)

I guess I should point out the downsides of that time but I promise not to focus on it.  Jeremy and I were supposed to attend a wedding down south and were going to go till the last minute.  Part of our backing out had to do with Jeremy getting a basketball game on Saturday, but if I hadn't changed my mind about the wedding, he wouldn't have gotten the game.  I just couldn't do it, the closer it got to the wedding the higher the anxiety and worse the panic attacks were getting.  Then on Saturday, while Jeremy was gone to the game, I really wanted to go see a movie.  The Jupiter Ascending movie is still out and really want to see it but Jeremy doesn't.  At one time, having an evening free like that would guarantee I would be at the movie.  I just couldn't do it, I couldn't make myself go.  Too scared.

Sunday was quiet, Jeremy and I slept late, took naps.  I got a little anxious that night.  So we got up and cleaned the areas that were bothering me.  Then we decided to watch the movie Gone Girl since I had finally finished the book on tape.  What a crazy book and movie.  I was suppose to go to my first yoga class on Sunday, and even thought Lyndon sent me a reminder, I did pretend to forget it.  Still haven't even mentioned going to them to Jeremy yet.

This morning I braved a trip into Alexandria to get Chandler from my parents.  I was supposed to go to my book club meeting, but I had to pick Chandler up at 9:30 and the meeting started at 9:30.  I could have gotten Chandler, taken him to daycare in Pineville and then returned to Alex for the meeting.  I would have been late but the meeting usually lasts till almost noon most of the times.  I wanted to go, but honestly I was scared and I didn't think I could handle two trips into Alex that fast on the same day.  The good thing was that instead of taking Chandler back to daycare, he and I made a trip to Walmart in Pineville (that is big for me, especially having Chandler with me).  Then we came home and laid around watching TV.  I am cooking dinner.  Chandler and I have made fresh frozen strawberry yogurt (actually we ate half of it before we could get it in the freezer) and we have made frozen yogurt bark with blueberry infused cranberries, strawberries, and mini chocolate chips.  It is in the freezer now.  Can't wait till we get to eat it.  Chandler and I had a great time licking the bowl.  It was nice to bring him home and spend the day hanging out together.

So yea there are some low points and things from the past few days, but right now I am looking at the glass half full and not half empty.  I will worry about the fact that my world is starting to narrow before my eyes tomorrow.  For today, I am happy, Chandler is home with me watching TV.  Dinner is cooking and it is a new receipt I wanted to try, healthy, but sweet desserts are waiting for tonight and my toes have pink polka dots on them.  Yep it is a good day!!!!!

Till later....
Becky

Today I am still walking....

I think this blog just might actually help save my sanity if not my life.  I have thought of several different blog topics over the last few days but none of them really felt right at the time.  Maybe later.
The last four days have been very long and difficult days.  Saturday I had to get out in town among people, not once but twice.  It was so hard to do.  I think I am doing a pretty good job of looking like everything was okay on the surface.  Besides when someone walks up to say hello and how are you doing; they don't want the real answer.  You say things are good, things are busy, things are holding up, or whatever BS you can come up with.

Sunday was a bad day.  Jeremy started off the day upset because of finacial issues which of course sends me into a funk.  I spend the whole time feeling guilty that it is all my fault because I can't handle going back to work, because I bought groceries, or fabric I needed for another quilt, or that I had just gotten Chandler some new clothes.  I wait for him to blame me, he never does.  So this of course sent my OCD into a tail spend and I franctically started cleaning closets and scrubbing floors on my hands and knees.  Jeremy and I finally confronted each other, which of course meant in the end I was sobbing uncontrollably once again fighting the need to just go to sleep or drive away to nowhere.  Chandler was witness to the crying and became upset and started hugging my leg saying he was sorry over and over.  That really made me fall apart.  I spend my life apologizing even for things that are not my fault.  My son at three was already picking up the habit.  That about destroyed me and Jeremy both.

The last two days have been rough because I haven't been able to sew and work because no daycare with all the schools closed.  Sewing is my haven.  Sewing and my husband and son are the only things keeping me making it through each day.  Chandler has been good today.  I was laying there a little while ago and I was really starting to feel anxious, lonely, and feeling like the walls were closing in on me.  That is usually the first signals that a pretty bad panic attack is on its way.  So to try and to head it off I picked up the phone looking for someone I could call that could distract me.  When I picked up the phone there was a message from my aunt in response to my last blog post.  I always wondered if she would be the one that could really understand what I am going through.

So my moral for this blog has been my surprise at how many people have read my blog and responded positively.  People I haven't spoken to since high school and probably never held a conversation with them for longer then five minues in high school have reached out.  I want everyone to know how grateful that makes me feel.  That isn't the right work, but I can't think of the right word.  I may not be able to reach out but it helps me hold my head up to know that there are so many hands out there reaching for me when I need it.
   

Disclaimer: For everyone reading this, I feel I should just let you know that if you are looking for professional and grammatical correct, you are reading the wrong blog.  I love to write, but I misspell words, either use to many commas or not enough.  And I will never figure out which word to use when it comes to choose, chose, loose, lose, loss, lost, and words of those types.  I dream of writing a book one day but knowing how bad my grammar is one of the reasons holding me back.  The second reason was thinking no one would be interested in anything I was to write.

Till the next day......

Becky

Name change part II

Good evening friends....

Well after much thinking I have finally came up with a new name for my blog.  I had many suggestions but in the end I came up with my own.  My husband asked me the other night when I was bugging him about a new name, what the goal and purpose of this blog was to be.  That was harder to answer then I thought.  I am struggling through life right now, sometimes I have to try to make it through each hour of the day instead of just getting through the day.  I know that there are many people out there who would read this and think that my problems are nothing and I have everything and should just get over it.  Everyone has problems in the world and yes there are people out there whose life sucks and makes mine look like roses.  Funny that thought doesn't make me feel any better.

I use to feel that I didn't have the right to feel certain feelings and would often apologize for being angry or upset.  It is a behavior left over from childhood.  I was often made to feel that it was stupid when I would get mad at someone or feel certain things.  I told Jeremy of this issue early on in our relationship.  He has worked very hard over the last 8 years to show me that my feelings are my own and I have the right to feel anyway I want to feel about certain situations.  He has shown me that it is okay to be hurt, disappointed, mad, happy, sad and more important that it is okay to cry.

I have had a lot of changes in my life in the last several years.  Even though I would not change meeting Jeremy and having Chandler for all the gold and happiness in the world, my life and future seems bleak.  My OCD, which has always been present. has spiraled out of control.  I have started having panic attacks with regular frequency.  It is getting so bad that just leaving the house makes me break out in a cold sweat.  Last week I became so angry and dispondent that all I wanted to do was sleep.  Just go to bed, sleep and not wake up.  I want to pause life and get off the roller coaster of life that I have been traveling on.

This week I have a better outlook on life.  I am still mad, angry even.  I don't think I have ever felt such intense anger in my life.  But I am dealing with it.  This week I have decided I will not let this win.  OCD, anxiety and my weight will not take me away from Jeremy and Chandler.  I waited and wished for them for too long.  I know this battle has a lot of hills and valleys and lots of stumbling blocks.

Starting March 1, I am going to start walking again.  I hope to attend a yoga class once a week (anxiety attacks aside....thank GOD for Xanax).  My cousin has convinced me to start a program called Advocare.  And I am going to write.  Writing helps me.  It allows me to pull the horrible feelings, anger, and fear out and deal with them.  No one may read this and that is okay.  It is more for me then anyone else.  But maybe someone facing similar struggles can walk with me and we can hold each other up or provide a light when the days are dark.

Today the light is shinning but I know as I have been dealing with this for awhile now, that even though today is bright, tomorrow may be as black as night....those are the days that scare me.  But the things that keeps me going every single day is that I wake up with my first thoughts being of Chandler and Jeremy and every night I go to bed they are the last thoughts I have.  They are the reason that when I go to sleep I always make sure I wake up.......

Till later.....  Becky

Name change...Need suggestions

Good morning everyone.....

Hope everyone is surving the cold weather.  I don't mind the cold but I sure wish it would decided to either be cold and warm and beautiful.  At least when it is warm and beautiful outside, I don't pay attention to how ugly everything feels on the inside.

Well I hinted in my last post that the utlimate goal of my blog is still the same...get healthy.  However, I am focusing less on the physical health and more on mental health.  I will soon be revealing feelings that are very embarrassing to me and that I try to keep hidden from most of the world.  But I just can't do it anymore.

So with that said, I am keeping this posting very short.  But...we need a new name.  And after the last twenty minutes of hunting around in Blogspot and Goggle+, I have discovered that it is possible to change the name of your blog.  So I would love suggestions since I seem to be at a loss for any remote ideas at  all.  I will tell you that not only am I having issues with my weight and physical activities I also have extreme OCD and panic disorder.  The panic disorder is getting so bad that even the doctors think if something doesn't change soon I could become one of those crazy people who can't leave their own house.  In short I feel like I am loosing my mind and bordering on crazy.  It is time to fix crazy and for those that know me well I LOVE to fix things.

So we need some name suggestions?????

Until later...

Becky

Gone but now I am back!!

Hello everyone!

I know that I seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth for the last year or so and I pretty much did, but now I am back.  I toppled off a mountain but I am slowly starting to climb back up.

So this blog post is just meant to be an update about where I have been for the past year.  When we last shared a thought here I was busting my booty trying to loose weight.  I had this three year goal to be back down to my high school weight before I reach 40 in three years (okay so now it is closer to 2 years).  I was working out at the gym daily either by myself of with a trainer.  I had started Weight Watchers and became obsessed about every bite that went in my mouth.  I really hadn't lost much weight but I felt better - happier, more energized, more excited about life, and just healthier in general.

Many years ago I learned how to play racquetball.  I wasn't very good at the sport but I loved to play it.  Over the years I had a hard time finding someone with a membership at the same place that I did, that actually had a racquetball room, and someone who could play.  However a really great friend of mine that I worked with fit the requirements.  And throughout the years she kicked my butt at the game on a regular basis.  But then marriage, being sick, and a baby stopped us from playing.  I really missed the sport and playing with Stacey.  I was determined that one day I would win at least one game.

So once I started my goal to become healthier and loose weight I was really excited about Stacey and I being able to play again.  I waited a few months, I wanted to make sure I was in shape enough that I could run that room for more then five minutes without falling out because of not being in shape.  So I worked really hard at the gym and when it became apparent that I was ready to start playing again, we signed up for a court at the gym.  We started playing and of course I sucked.  It had been a really long time since I played so I had to figure out the nuisances of the game again.

As we played I really had no points but it wasn't from my weight really slowing me down, it just trying to get back into the rhythm of how to play.  Well we had been playing for maybe 15 to 20 minutes (which is a really long time in racquetball time) when it happened.  The thing I always feared would happen playing this game and no it wasn't getting hit in the face with the ball (Stacey did that to me years ago); I missed the wall.  Now for anyone who doesn't know how to play racquetball, missing the wall probably sounds like a good thing.  It usually isn't.  The walls in a court or lightly padded and are typically used to break your lunge after the ball.  And that is what happened to me, I lunged for the ball and expected to hit the wall, I even prepared myself to hit the wall.  My right arm went out to cushion my fall into the wall but I put my hand too far up on the wall instead of even with my body and as I started to fall I was too far from the wall to actually hit the wall so instead I went down to the floor.  My right arm that was hanging on to the wall too high up was slick with sweat and I only had the heel of my palm on the wall instead of the whole hand.  So as I fell to the floor my left arm flipped behind me.  I heard the breaks in my arm as I hit the floor.  Once on the floor I had about five seconds on no pain and then the pain hit and that was it.  The pain in my arm was horrible.

The hospital confirmed what I knew, I had broken my wrist and the top of the radius bone where it meets the elbow.  I couldn't do anything, the only saving grace was it was my right arm and I am left-handed.  I had surgery a couple of weeks later to remove the top of the bone in my elbow and to determine if I needed an elbow replacement.  They didn't do the replacement, the doc thinks he fixed it enough to get me through another ten years or so before needing the replacement.  A couple of weeks after the surgery I was placed in the robotic brace that control the way I straightened and bent my arm.  About a month after the accident I started physical therapy.  Doctor said it would be a year before I could start going back to the training and the gym.

I became very depressed, all that work I had done and money I had spent was for nothing.  For many months after the surgery I couldn't even pick a glass up and hold it to my mouth.  Still now my arm is very weak and I do not have the ability to straighten it out fully.  The elbow also dislocated very easily.

So now here I am almost a year later and I have nothing to show for it but a nice scar down the side of my arm.  I have not started going back to the gym, I stopped weight watchers so my eating habits are back to where they were, and I just feel miserable.  Along with all of this I have really started having some anxiety problems.

A friend of mine sent me a facebook message a couple of months ago about what happened to my blog.  And I thought well what is the point, I didn't get far on my goal and right now the desire to change myself is not there like it was then.  But there has been some things that have happened to me within the last six months are so, I will get into those things later, and I have come to realize that healthy doesn't just mean running a mile in 15 minutes and only eating veggies and food that is good for you.  Being healthy is the whole body, physically and mentally.  So this blog is still going to be about searching for a healthier me, but the tone is probably going to change.  I will probably reveal a lot of things that will be really hard and embarrassing for others to know but I have learned that writing is cathartic for me and maybe I can help just one other person as well.

But the ultimate moral of this blog is that racquetball is dangerous and when you fall make sure the wall is there to hold you up.

More to come.....

Becky

Scale Obsession...Healthy?

I bought a new scale the other day and Jeremy has already hidden it from me.  Let's me honest it hasn't been a good week.  If I had written this blog anytime before Monday it would have had a totally different tone, but alas I did not get a chance to write and now everything has changed.  My emotions through this whole journey seems to be all over the place.

So last week I was pumped up, yes the scale hadn't moved in either direction, but I was wearing jeans I hadn't been able to wear in over six months, I got my engagement ring back on my hand, I was starting to see some muscle definition again, and I just felt really good.  I felt healthy.  I had convinced myself that my goal was more about health then numbers on the scale.  I have managed to keep within my weight watcher points daily.  I could tell there was a pep in my step, not because I was all the sudden skinny, but because I knew that I was so much healthier then I was a month ago.  People were asking if I had lost weight.  I realize that is more about the way I felt about myself than the way I actually look.  A month ago when I was walking around I felt like a watermellon, I felt fat.  Now as I am walking around I don't feel fat.  Sure I still weigh 300 lbs, but I wasn't feeling the 300 lbs.  I can now walk up the stairs in my house without pausing at the top to catch my breath.  I truly feel that the way we preceive ourselves has a lot to do with the way others see us.  If you feel fat, then people see fat.

All of this was last week's feelings.  I was determined that it didn't overly matter what the numbers on the scale were, it mattered on how I felt.  I felt healthy and good.  I wasn't winded after sweeping the floor and taking breaks because I was exhausted.  Those were the important things, not the fact that the numbers on the scale have been stuck at 310.5 for over two weeks now.  For those who don't know me I am very OCD.  It seems that the scale has now become an object for my obsession.  Last week I was going to start this blog repeating the scale is not my obsession.  I am not sure if I was trying to convince you or me.  Now I know, I was so trying to convince myself.  I have failed miserably.

Jeremy keeps trying to convince me it is about the journey and not neccessarily the destination.  I know I have to be driving the man up a wall.  (Sorry, honey!)  It is official, I am obsessed with the scale, I must have stepped on that damn scale 10 times yesterday.  I came home from the gym crying yesterday because the numbers aren't moving.  I mean what the hell am I doing this for?

 I don't mind the workouts at the gym.  I have remembered this past month how much I truly enjoy the workouts and weightlifting.  I love my trainer, she is awesome, funny, patient, and really good at what she does.  I find the workouts at the gym with her are fun and I really look forward to those three days a week I get to spend with her.  I don't really care for the off days when all there is to look forward to is some boring cardio equipment.  Eventually I will make it to a couple of the cardio based classes.  I love the gym.

But all this eating crap, that is where it gets me.  I have become obsesed with food.  How many calories, how many weight watch points, how big is this portion (I am doing everything I can not to allow myself buy a food scale), and can I force myself to eat veggies I really don't like.  I go to the grocery store scanning everything through weight watchers for points before it goes in the buggy.  And I remember when the most diffcult thing at the grocery store was passing up the donuts (you should still see me run past them with my eyes averted and as if the devil is chasing me).  I keep changing my normal recipes at home for lighter ones, making Jeremy and Chandler eat stuff they don't really care for either.  I must stop and admit here that Jeremy hasn't complained yet about the food changes.

Why am I forcing all this food crap if the numbers are just going to sit there.  I am denying myself everything and for what? For the numbers to sit at 310 for multiple weeks in a row.  Yesterday at the gym I asked Emily what am I doing wrong.  So we spent a majority of the time discussing food.  Too much fruit, too much bread and carbs, too much sugar, and not enough protien. Between that and the numbers on the damn scale I have gone into a funk.  I came home so upset and crying, Jeremy tried real hard to help me.  He listened to me rant over having to change once again the way we eat.  How do we add more protein and less carbs?  Should I just eat chicken everything day and cook them something else?  I love to cook normally, now I am beginning to hate it.  It was fun at first with finding a way to lighten up my normal recipes but still keep them from tasting like cardboard.

It is taking a lot of thinking, visualization, and arguments with myself to try and convince myself I am looking at all of this wrong again.  I don't think I have been truly successful yet.  Jeremy and I talked again last night, with him reminding me that this wasn't suppose to be about a diet and just becoming skinny.  He didn't care about the numbers on the scale.  In the beginning, even though I set a number goal, I didn't care about the numbers on the scale.  I just wanted to be healthy and active.  I crave being outside,  hiking, walking, camping, bike riding, and so many other outdoor things.  My weight has stopped all of that.  It is real hard to hike outdoors when you can't walk up your stairs without being severly winded.  This was about getting to do all of those things, it was about being able to actively play with Chandler and teach him a love for outdoors.  I have never been skinny and I never will be.  I will never wear a bikini swimsuit on the beach.

If I drastically change my eating habits just to lose weight then I know I have already lost.  It will work, the numbers will go down and I will be happier for awhile, but in the end it will just be a diet.  What happens after the diet is over?  The weight returns.  Did my eating habits need to change...hell yes.  Drinking four dr. pepper's a day, having a large bag of mini kit kats every day for lunch, eating a pint of ice cream every night night, having three and four waffles with syrup every morning, and just grazing on junk all day needed to go. But denying myself everything is a little extreme and will just cause me a serious relapse at some point.  I mean I couldn't even cook dinner last night because everything I picked up last night had more then the allotted amount of carbs or sugar.

Well obviously I haven't fully convinced my OCD yet, because I am still feeling the inner tug-of-war, but I have to remember this was a lifestyle change for a healthy me, not an obsessed me.  I will still count the carbs, the sugar, the protien, and the numbers on the scale for a little while longer.  I still feel depressed and upset by the lack of weight loss.  My brain knows the logic and the reality, this was about learning moderation and control.  My emotions and OCD will eventually catch up with my brain.  Just not today.

Goals, Rewards, and a changing life.

Good morning everyone!

Well someone asked me for a new post the other day.  She insisted on a new post and said this was her holding me accountable.  Thanks Kim, I needed the kick in the booty to write.

As an update to my last posting, it appears that the last two weeks, especially the week I was so upset about actually have been good weeks in the way of weight loss.  The one week I was so upset about I ended up loosing a grand total of 3 pounds.  I was so scared stepping on the scale that morning.  Once I realized that I had lost weight and as much as I did I was so happy I might have cried for a few minutes there.  I felt like I had climbed a mountain that day.  I know three pounds in a week isn't much to some but for me it was huge.
I have a weigh in my my wonderful trainer, Emily, every Tuesday.  I dread and look forward to that day all the time.  Tuesday of this week I stepped on the scale to realize I had lost two more pounds.  That makes five pounds in two weeks.  I keep wondering if I keep that average, how long it would actually take to get to my goal.  I am too scared to actually do the math, so someone do it for me.

All of this actually leads to the point of this blog.  Everyone keeps asking me what my goals are and at first the goals were real simple; 1. get to high school weight, 2. get off of medications, and 3. get healthy.  I have realized I am going to need a few more goals then this and with these goals I need some rewards.  I have been pondering and agonizing over these so called goals and rewards for the last two weeks.  Some of my goals are private.  I know I have put a lot of personal information out here with this but there is just some things that are TMI.  So just know that there are some goals you will never really know about.

My husband, Jeremy, has been a big support so far through this.  He is eating the new meals and recipes without complaints and he is helping with the shopping when I am worried the urges are going to overcome me.  He is also learning right along with me what places are bad to eat at and what foods are okay.  When I was preparing to go to the gym Monday night he asked how much weight I thought I had lost and what was my goal for the week.  I don't really have a weekly weight goal per say.  From week to week all I worry about is not falling off the donut wagon (I had no clue how much I liked donuts), not busting my weight watcher points, making it to the gym or working out five days a week, and loosing weight.  I don't really care how much weight I lose each week just as long as the numbers go down or stay the same.  If I made a weekly weight goal I would end up quiting.  I am a perfectionist and a little bit competitive with myself, so if I set a weekly goal and wasn't able to make it each week I would get depressed and give up.  Besides I figure as long as I am not busting my weight watcher points then the scale isn't going to go up.  So far I have kept my weekly goals except for making it to the gym five days a week.  I am making it there at least three days with Emily, but the other two days can be problematic sometimes due to life getting in the way.  So to fix that excuse I got a couple of  workout videos that I can do from home.

I have realized that since this is such a long term project I need to set some short term goals and long term goals and rewards.  So here is what I have come up with so far, this is just a hodgepodge of things, wishes, and desires that have crossed my mind in the last couple of weeks.

1. Get out of plus size clothes
2. Be able to get my engagement ring back on my finger
3. Participate in a marathon
4. Hike a nature trail 
5. Bike a nature trail
6. Shop at the Limited and be able to wear the beautiful clothes there. (I think that is the name of the store over by Dillard's)
7. Wear shorts
8. Lay on the beach in a swim suit without being self conscious
9. Go on a cruise (my fear of wearing a swim suit in public is what is stopping this for me)
10. Loose 100 pounds before attending my 20 year class reunion next year.
11. Run a mile
12. Play on an adult volleyball or softball team
13. Live a more active life with my husband and son
14. Throw away all plus size clothes and buy a new wardrobe

My first goal was to make it to 40 years old and weight within 15 pounds of 150.  I have learned that with these goals I need a reward system.  Now that was harder then coming up with goals.  Every reward I came up with at first involving indulging in some food I haven't been allowing myself to enjoy.  Well that sure doesn't work in the end.  For my ultimate goal, if I make to 40 with the weight I wanted then I want a HUGE birthday party.  I want every friend and family member there.  I am not going to dread and cry over turning 40, it is going to be the best birthday ever.  And I am not planning my own birthday party, I need some friends to step it up.  This party is going to be big, I even want my out-of-state friends to find a way to be there.  And if Jeremy and I leave on a second honeymoon the next day, then it would be even better.

Until this morning I still had no small rewards for the small steps.  But while riding the exercise bike at the gym this morning I was reading a People magazine that was spotlighting normal people like me who had lost significant weight amounts on their own.  It was about how they did it and what motivated them to do it.  One of the ladies in the magazine mentioned that every time she lost a total of ten pounds she would reward herself with something small, such as a pedicure or massage.  There was my light bulb.  This weekend, Jeremy and I, (though he doesn't know it yet) are going to create a ten pound jar.  In this jar we are going to fill it up with slips of paper that contain small and large rewards.  A pedicure and manicure, a professional massage, a weekend trip, a new item of clothing, and etc...Then each time I loose a total of ten pounds I get to draw a reward from the jar.  This weekend Jeremy and I will brainstorm for items to go into the jar.  If you have some suggestions then please send them our way.  (Besides it would be nice to see some comments.)

One other thing that crossed my mind with the whole goal and reward idea was what happens when I turn 40 and I have reached my goal.  What then?  I need a way to ensure that I keep the weight off, so when I turn 41 (a year after my goal date) if the weight is still off then I want to get a tummy tuck.  I will probably need one.  So I guess the Jabba jar will be my ten pound jar and the extremely awesome Princess Leia jar will be my tummy tuck jar.  So maybe with every ten pounds lost I should put ten dollars in the jar?  Will have to think about that one some more.

To all my fellow supporters and accountants, thank you!