Hello Everyone!

This will probably be the most embarrassing thing I have ever done.  A few people keep telling me how brave I am to put this out there.  I don't know if it is bravery, desperation, a plea for help, or my own way of dealing with the feelings.  Of course I think the last one is closer to the truth.  But it is also about accountability.  So let me tell you a little history first.

I am 36 years old.  I am married to an attorney, who is also a basketball referee.  My husband is pretty skinny and active, heck in the beginning I referred to him as a bean pole.  He has gained some weight since being married, so I guess now he is more of a totem pole.  We have been married six years in June and will have been together seven years in June.  We have an extremely active two and half year old little boy who would rather live outside riding tractors with his paw paw then be inside for any reason.

Growing up in high school I was pretty active, I played softball.  I also played family volleyball and things like that.  I did consider myself heavy in high school.  Especially since in my mind I wasn't skinny enough for any of the guy's in high school to want to go out with me, wasn't skinny enough or pretty enough to hang out with the skinny girls and their group, and wasn't skinny enough to be anything but the nerd.  (Hey, I was a complete nerd with my nose in a book.)  Looking back on those high school pictures I have to wonder if I was really heavy or not. Sure I wasn't a size 6, but I wasn't a blimp either.  My average weight in high school fluctuate between 135 - 150 lbs.

Almost twenty years later, it is safe to say I am fat.  I feel fat.  I get winded walking up the stairs to the second floor of my home.  I am having problems bending over, tieing my shoes, getting up and down from the floor.  Let me stop embarrassing myself, take my word for it I am fat.  I have been having help problems off and on for the last several years.  Of course none of the doctors have been brave enough to just come out a say your too fat.  Loose some weight and the problems with disappear.  

Within the last month or so the scale finally tipped over to 300 lbs.  I have hit the wall.  I can't keep doing this.  I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate that I can't do anything, I hate being winded.  I hate it all.  I want to run, play volleyball and softball with adults and not look like a watermelon rolling around the place.  I want to go hiking and bike riding with my husband and son.  I want to go to the beach so bad, even more I want to go on my first cruise.  But until I loose some weight I am too embarrassed for a beach much less a cruise.  

So I have set some goals and I need all the help I can get in keeping them. I know this is going to take time and will not be accomplished overnight.  But by 40 years old I want to:

1. Off all medicines
2. Better health
3. Weigh what I did in high school (between 130 - 150),
4. Run and complete my first marathon.

To start towards these goals I am in my second week of weight watchers, I joined the LC gym, I meet with a trainer three times a week, I plan to attend gym 5 days a week, and I have cleaned out the pantry and frig of junk and really bad food. And now I have started this blog.  It is meant to track my progress and emotions, get positive feedback, tips on eating better, and cooking better, recipes, and hopefully encouragement for others.  

I am not planning to post my daily weight watcher points, or food I ate this week, and things like that.  Just feelings I have, problems I discover, temptations in my path, triumphs, and setbacks.  And hopefully in three years I can close this blog with a better picture and a healthier life. 

Here is my before picture that I took today.  I am not proud of the pictures.  I hate them, but they are truthful and I have made a promise to myself to remain truthful to you and myself through the journey.

Let the journey begin.......

Becky