I have decided today to write a happy post. There are days that are happy, it is unfortunately the bad says that stick with us the most and are the ones that prompt me to write. But even though there could be a few low points, I am doing pretty good.
The weekend was nice. Chandler went to spend the weekend with my parents. He hadn't been to visit in awhile and I needed a break, he needed a break, and I think Paw Paw was going through some serious Chandler withdrawals. So Chandler was gone and Jeremy worked Friday and had a game Friday night and he had a game on Saturday that was far enough away he gone for most of the day. I enjoyed those two days. I sewed in my studio, I watched several movies, listened to some books, and even took a couple of naps. The best part was that I worked in my studio till quite late at night and didn't have to worry about stopping unless I wanted to. It was so nice and peaceful. I even went to get a pedicure. Hence the happy toes. If polka dots on your toes can't make you happy then I am in really bad shape. :)
I guess I should point out the downsides of that time but I promise not to focus on it. Jeremy and I were supposed to attend a wedding down south and were going to go till the last minute. Part of our backing out had to do with Jeremy getting a basketball game on Saturday, but if I hadn't changed my mind about the wedding, he wouldn't have gotten the game. I just couldn't do it, the closer it got to the wedding the higher the anxiety and worse the panic attacks were getting. Then on Saturday, while Jeremy was gone to the game, I really wanted to go see a movie. The Jupiter Ascending movie is still out and really want to see it but Jeremy doesn't. At one time, having an evening free like that would guarantee I would be at the movie. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't make myself go. Too scared.
Sunday was quiet, Jeremy and I slept late, took naps. I got a little anxious that night. So we got up and cleaned the areas that were bothering me. Then we decided to watch the movie Gone Girl since I had finally finished the book on tape. What a crazy book and movie. I was suppose to go to my first yoga class on Sunday, and even thought Lyndon sent me a reminder, I did pretend to forget it. Still haven't even mentioned going to them to Jeremy yet.
This morning I braved a trip into Alexandria to get Chandler from my parents. I was supposed to go to my book club meeting, but I had to pick Chandler up at 9:30 and the meeting started at 9:30. I could have gotten Chandler, taken him to daycare in Pineville and then returned to Alex for the meeting. I would have been late but the meeting usually lasts till almost noon most of the times. I wanted to go, but honestly I was scared and I didn't think I could handle two trips into Alex that fast on the same day. The good thing was that instead of taking Chandler back to daycare, he and I made a trip to Walmart in Pineville (that is big for me, especially having Chandler with me). Then we came home and laid around watching TV. I am cooking dinner. Chandler and I have made fresh frozen strawberry yogurt (actually we ate half of it before we could get it in the freezer) and we have made frozen yogurt bark with blueberry infused cranberries, strawberries, and mini chocolate chips. It is in the freezer now. Can't wait till we get to eat it. Chandler and I had a great time licking the bowl. It was nice to bring him home and spend the day hanging out together.
So yea there are some low points and things from the past few days, but right now I am looking at the glass half full and not half empty. I will worry about the fact that my world is starting to narrow before my eyes tomorrow. For today, I am happy, Chandler is home with me watching TV. Dinner is cooking and it is a new receipt I wanted to try, healthy, but sweet desserts are waiting for tonight and my toes have pink polka dots on them. Yep it is a good day!!!!!
Till later....
Becky
Polka dots even make me happy! Keep on keeping on!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. It is nice to really know someone that has issues as I do. I deal each day with overwhelming anxiety. This blog made me feel less alone.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you find some comfort from my blog and no you are not alone. I write all of this because it helps me deal with it and step back just a little. Plus if I can help anyone going through the same thing, then that is great. People who don't have these problems, truly do not understand what we go through each day sometimes to just get out of the bed.
DeleteAll of us out there suffering from these problems can walk hand in hand and hold each other up when times are really bad. And in our lives there are usually more bad days then there are good days, so we need as many helping hands we can get.
Becky